Crestfallen
by masterscreation
Summary: Rated for safety. The title "Crestfallen" is the name of a song by the Smashing Pumpkins, which inspired me to write this fanfic. It will be quoted multiple times for emphasis. Inuyasha and Kagome try to come to terms with their relationship. R x R please
1. The beginning of the end?

I do not own Inuyasha, or the characters that are included. I do not own story-line or the outcome of the story. I write only what I wish to happen.  
  
Prologue  
  
The Shikon no Tama was complete, a whole jewel that shone with a bright light, continuing it's plight as a pure jewel. It had yet to be used, by any youkai or Inuyasha for that fact. Kagome had been successful in her goal. Asking Inuyasha to give thought to what he wanted to do with the jewel, as Kagome had promised that she would give the jewel to him when it was once again completed. To some, that might not have sounded like such a grand idea, but he had helped her piece the jewel back together, and what would she do with the Shikon? Nothing. Inuyasha, impatient and eternally grumpy, had agreed to spend some time thinking about what he really wanted to do with the jewel. Miroku was no longer in threat of being eaten by his own wind tunnel, the hole in his hand full of flesh and bone. Sango had in her own way exacted revenge on Naraku for his movement in the death of her village and family. Kikyou still had not passed from the living world into Hell, but she had posed little threat to the group since the death of Naraku. Both Inuyasha and Kagome knew though, it was not going to be the last time that they saw her, it was inevitable. The pace of the new life was slow, compared to the dangerous and exotic speed when they were in a race against time and Naraku.

----------  
  
Kagome watched the sun peak over the hills of Feudal Japan, a deep feeling of fear nestled harshly in her stomach. Why was she still there? The jewel was complete and all wrong had been righted (for the most part), no more demons to fight, no more days on end searching for a shard of the jewel. So again she asked herself the dreadful question, why was she still sitting upon the grassy hill of Feudal Japan, when she knew that she had a whole other life on the other side of the well? Her reasons could be summoned up by one word alone. Inuyasha. True she didn't wish to leave behind the friends that she had made during her time in Feudal Japan, but it was the hanyou that kept her there, reluctant to leave. More than a year had passed since she had first arrived, her eyes alighting on the supposedly peaceful form of Inuyasha pinned to the ancient tree, and after all this time, she had fallen deeply in love with the hanyou. More than she could ever express. She might be able to accept that he still held deep-rooted feelings for Kikyo, maybe, but she could not completely give up on what she wanted, by leaving behind the Feudal Age and never returning. Could she live with herself than? She didn't think she could, but had she the strength to continue watching Inuyasha meet with Kikyou, and watch the emotions that transpired between them? Eventually it would dry her of all her love, eventually it would fuel her petite body with anger, instead of happiness. So why did she stay?  
  
She was not aware of the tears that had started to form in her eyes, nor the few runaways that dragged themselves down her cheek. Just the thought brought the tears to her eyes. No, she couldn't stand to see Inuyasha with Kikyou again, no matter what she had promised him. Hadn't she said that she would stay with him till he chose? What if it wasn't her that he decided upon, and it was the dead Miko? Kagome knew that her limits did not stretch that far, and upon hearing the news she was discarded, she would break down, and that was something she did not want Inuyasha to see. If she was to be only a memory that was visisted upon, she wanted to be remembered as leaving with a smiling face and clear eyes, standing as straight and strong as she could. She did not want to be remembered as a sniveling girl running through the tree's with tears streaking from her eyes. It was decided than. No matter what she had promised, no matter what she had told Inuyasha she would do, she couldn't go through with it. With a sigh, she stood, running her hands over her uniform, forcing down her memories of Inuyasha's initial confusion and disgust at her way of dressing. She would not let her decision be faulted by memories.  
  
She turned, and made her way back to Kaede's village, where the group had been staying for the past week, trying to mentally grasp the idea that they were free of their mission. Her backpack was there, though her bicycle had been destroyed months ago by a demon. She had stationary and a pencil stashed away, where she would write Inuyasha a letter, explaining her absence. She would not be able to face him, and keep her eyes dry, it was an impossible idea to stay dry-eyed when she knew what she was going to have to say. When she entered Kaede's hut, there was no one else around. No doubt they had gone out to enjoy the sun shine that was by now full and unaffected by the morning sky. She sat down on her sleeping bag, pulling out her utensils and setting to write a letter to the one that she loved.

----------  
  
Inuyasha would have never admitted that the previous night, he had fallen asleep after the others, and had remained so till the dawn broke over the hills. He hadn't even heard Kagome leave the hut, and disappear into the chilly dew. At first of course he had worried, all sorts of ideas had crawled into his brain. She'd been kidnapped, snatched away in the middle of the night. Koga or Kikyo. But of course Miroku and Sango had both been the voice of reasoning, and had assured him it was only her wishing to get fresh air. While he still felt a little unsure of Kagome's disappearance, he wouldn't question it even more. _She always needs time to herself. Will never understand why. She's just too sensitive._ His demon side smirked underneath the surface, though his human side didn't seem to have a witty come back to such a comment. Inuyasha brushed away strands of his white hair as the wind pulled them annoyingly in his face. Hopefully Kagome would return soon. _Maybe she's getting into mischeif._ A silent growl from Inuyasha before he crossed his arms over his chest, watching the others as they moved about setting up a few packets of food. A picnic was what Kagome had called it once. Peace seemed to pervade everything around those that stood in the morning sun, that is until Kaede, _Hag_, ran up, a piece of paper flying between her fingertips. She was yelling urgently, her one-eyed gaze turned towards Inuyasha. Of course the only thing that he caught was _Kagome_.  
  
Jumping down from his high branch, he met Kaede half way, snatching the paper from her hand as she struggled for breathe, and tried to talk at the same time.  
  
"This was in the hut..... Kagome.....gone, her stuff.....gone as well......"  
  
Inuyasha's golden gaze flickered towards her with fear rooted deep inside. Why would she have up and left without telling any of them? Turning his attention to the sheet of paper, and the scribbled writing upon it, she must have been in a hurry, or too emotional to write straight. He spend a good five minutes reading and re-reading the words.  
  
_Inuyasha,  
  
By the time Kaede has found my letter, and no doubt brought it to you immediately, I will of course already be gone, through the well and back to my time. This time, it is permanent. I cannot stand by and continue to watch you battle your emotions between Kikyo and me. I know that I promised to stay by your side till you found your path, but I cannot stay, and hurt my own self any longer. I have entrusted the Shikon Jewel to Kaede, who will give it to you once you have made your decision. I doubt you will, but if you happen to lose all your sane thoughts, do not try to come after me. By this time the well has been destroyed and no one will be able to travel from this time to mine any longer, not even me._  
  
With a gasp of fear and anger, Inuyasha gripped the paper harshly in his hand as he took off towards the well. No, it couldn't be, he could get there before she left, and if not, than at least before the well was destroyed. He could not let all connections to Kagome be cut off so abruptly. How could she just pack up and leave him like she had? Was the letter true? Did it really pain her to stay and watch him waver between one woman towards the other? _Of course it does, how thick-headed are you?_ He winced as even his usually sarcastic demon side berated him. Did he love Kagome? He couldn't answer that without giving it days of thought. He felt for her, there was an emotion that was strong for Kagome, but he just didn't know if it was love or not. No doubt, that after all this time he did feel at least some sort of friendship with her, they had gone through many things together, and she had seemed to accept him and who he was through it all. She had been the only one to brave his demon side so that he could return to his hanyou state. She was the only one that dared remind him of his mistakes. The only one that dared push him further and harder than anyone. She was what made him stronger, she was the one that gave him the strength to fight, to live. So why could he not truthfully answer whether or not he loved her? What was it that kept him from grabbing the girl and proclaiming days worth of love and devotion? Was it Kikyo, or was it his own stubbornness? _Kagome, please be there. Please do not leave me now._ Finally the well came into view, without a Kagome to accompany it. But it was the sight of the well in it's current state that sent Inuyasha to his knee's at it's side. Indeed, it had been destroyed. The sides had collapsed inward, and by peering through the wooden planks, he could see that the dirt on the inside had collapsed. On the side of the destroyed well, an arrow was firmly planted. Kagome's arrow. She had destroyed it herself. Tears threatened to spill from his golden eyes, as a scent caught at his nostrils. It was Kagome's smell, but it wasn't strong enough to be her entire form. Looking up from his sitting position, to the side, forgotten by the girl, a shirt laid upon the ground. He had no doubt that it had been nestled in her backpack, and had in her haste become undone and the extra shirt had been dropped. Crawling over to where it lay, his clawed hands snatched at the fabric with extreme possessiveness. Pulling it to his chest, and laying his head down so that the scent of the girl could be scented, he stayed in this position for minutes on end, before he finally braved to read the rest of her letter. Cradling the shirt to his chest, he lifted up the now wrinkled letter and picked up from where he had left off.  
  
_....I'm sorry that my promise has been broken. I wish that I could stay with you, not till you made a decision, but forever. I know you are probably screaming "Wench" or "Bitch" by now, and you might have already ripped this to shreds, and have moved on. I know that human emotions are useless and uncomprehendable to you but...._  
  
At this point, there was more writing, but it had been scribbled out and half erased, so that it was impossible to tell what she had been saying. Inuyasha would not give up on her message so easily, and spent even more minutes with squinted eyes and a searching soul, till indeed he made out what it was that had been written.  
  
_...my mortal body, and my mortal soul, **LOVE** you with all that it has. I cannot tell this to you in person, because I fear that I will break in my center from the pain. To know that you love Kikyo and have no feelings for me, and here I am, expressing my love for you.  
  
I hope that your life is long and peaceful, I hope that Kikyo can give you what you need and want, even if I couldn't be the one to give it to you, I still offer you luck.  
  
Eternally,  
  
Kagome_  
  
A scream of mental pain and horrible despair filled the air as Inuyasha gripped at the sides of his cranium. Clutching now both letter and shirt in his grasp, he spewed tears of sadness into the fabric, his heart wrenching in two. Was she really gone? Was he really here now, without her? Could he even live without her? So many questions, so much pain. Was this what Kagome felt every day that she saw him? Had he really hurt her that bad? It was too much for even the hanyou, the emotion, the ache, too much for even his body, and without another sound or word, he fell to the side, unconscious. Small silver tears continued to roll out from his closed eyelids.

----------  
  
_**"Who am I to need you now  
  
to ask you why to tell you no  
  
to deserve your love and sympathy  
  
you were never meant to belong to me." **_


	2. Who am I to you?

Authors Note:  
  
Thank you **t1nkerbell** for reading and commenting. I thoroughly appreciated it. As you can see, I have updated. Enjoy!

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Kagome had returned to her time, crawling from out of the well, tears streaking down her face. She couldn't be sure whether or not Inuyasha had received her letter, or that he even cared. If she dwelled too much on it, she would break as she had commented in the letter. Exiting the small shrine, the sun of modern day beat down on her, muted and duffled through the leaves of the God Tree. She dared not look to it, afraid that she would see a white-  
  
eared, golden-eyed boy pinned to the bark. She feared to see it. She was barely aware of the presence of her Grandfather shimmy towards her, in response all she could do was hold up a shaking hand.  
  
"Not now, please. We'll talk later. Seal up the well, forever."  
  
Than she had disappeared into the house, her running footsteps alerting both her mother and Souta that she was home once again. Of course by the time they had exited the kitchen, Kagome had already retreated to the cool darkness of her room. Throwing down her back pack into the corner and flopping onto her bed, she remained there till the next day, her mind convulsing around the reality of what she had just done, trying to envision Inuyasha's reaction, and than crying herself into a fitful sleep. Her family worried over her deeply, but her Grandfather did as she instructed, sealing up the well with both spell and human binding. He did not know the reasoning behind it, but if it brought some ease to his granddaughters soul, he would have gladly sealed a thousand wells. Deciding it would be best to let Kagome come down when she was up to it, Mother, brother, and Grandfather remained nearby, but did nothing to pressure her out of the her room. The next day held nothing special for Kagome, who spent a full hour in the water of the bathtub, till every inch of her was wrinkled, and the water was freezing. Stepping out and wrapping herself in a thick towel, her wet hair wrapped up as well, she entered her bedroom. She hadn't even bothered to turn on any lighting, but let the natural sun and moon beams brighten her room. A breeze blew through the open window, making the damp girl spin around.  
  
_'Inuyasha?'  
_  
Not a sound, not a movement. Why had she thought Inuyasha would be there, crouching in her open window, looking towards her with his golden eyes? Tears erupted once again from her already red-eyes for the tenth time that day, her form slumped over as she slid herself over to her empty bed. She collapsed, still wrapped up in her damp towels, falling into a deep and troubled sleep once again.

----------  
  
Inuyasha had awakened to the sound of whispers around him, at first he was confused as to why he was laying on his back, the thatch of Kaede's hut above him. It did not take long till the days happenings sunk in. His clawed hands convulsed, and surprised to find fabric and paper underneath his skin. Looking down to see that he had continued to clutch the girl's shirt to his chest, the letter crumpled in his grip. _No, Kagome._ She had left, destroyed the well, and destroying whatever chance he had of bringing her back. _Why must you always resolve to brute force? Would it not be better for Kagome to return on her own accord?_ He let his head roll to the other side, trying to ignore his human side, trying to forget the pain that he was feeling. _Why did she leave!!!_ His demon side screamed inside his head, making him cringe and curl into a ball on the floor. It was unexpected, it was loud and the truth hurt Inuyasha deeper than any wound. Was it truly love that he felt her Kagome? Even his demon side, blood-lust and violent as it was, ached at the thought of her absence. _'How could I let her slip away? Just stand there everyday and watch her, knowing I was hurting her, that I was causing her pain.'_ Finally, the whispers from the other side of the curtain reached his sensitive hearing, and he could not block out the comments of pity that were given.  
  
"Do you think Kagome is truly gone? Was it so bad here that she had to leave?"  
  
Of course, that must have been little Shippo's voice. He had been the only one that had felt comfortable with expressing his love and adoration of Kagome. Inuyasha had pushed her away, the lecherous monk Moriko had never looked to her and remembered her as a friend, instead only saw female. Even Sango, though she befriended the girl, was silent and distant. No one there but Shippo had been able to match Kagome's spirit or her openness with emotions.  
  
"I believe the constant pain of seeing Inuyasha with Kikyo and knowing that he would chose the dead Miko instead of Kagome was too much...."  
  
Moriko's voice always sounded calm, no matter the situation, it was an irritating attribute in all certainty.  
  
"Bastard...."  
  
The last of course was said by the demon-hunter Sango. He did not expect to be the one given pity in this instant. It was his fault to begin with that Kagome had left them all behind to return to her time. If he wasn't so stubborn, he might have vocally agreed with her on this one point. He was a bastard.  
  
"I would not go so far as to say that Sango. While Inuyasha does have the problem of choosing between the love of his past, and Kagome, we all know that he does have feelings for the girl. It was apparent when we found him in the forest next to the well. He clutched to that shirt as if it was his life line."  
  
In embaressment, Inuyasha looked down to the shirt in question, the one that he still clutched tightly between his claws. _'So what? It carries her scent... and I need that.'_ He felt like a child once again, a child that had just lost it's mother, and was blindly searching in the dark for the warm and familiar presence. Kagome was like his mother in many ways, though that was not the reason he felt her her. They were both mortal, and both of them had the amazing ability to show what they were feeling. Kagome loved him for who and what he was, even though he was only a hanyou. Kagome did not just see past his flaws and mistakes, she embraced every single one of them, she took it all in, and cherished it all. Kagome. It brought more tears to the dog demons eyes once again. _Surely there is another way to get to the future, surely there is another time traveling well...or anything for that matter!_ He gripped at the shirt, pulling it closer to him, trying to absorb everything about it. The smell of her skin on the particles, the smell of her hair brushing against the back of her shirt. He tried to imagine that he could feel small ounces of her body warmth on the fabric, trying to draw it into himself, as if it would warm up his heart and soul like she had done so many times. _Why could you not have just told her how you felt? Why was it so hard? Do not use Kikyo as an excuse anymore!!_ He squinted his eyes shut, trying to silence the berating words, his sadness welling up in his throat. _No do not sob, you baby! Take it like the demon you are!_ It was no use, the despair that he felt, mixed in with the pain of knowing he hurt Kagome was too much, and he sobbed as he cried, digging his face into the shirt, rubbing his cheek against it. _Mine. Mine. Mine. Please be mine._

----------  
  
Kagome had finally awakened when she heard a soft tap on her door. Surprised that she had even heard it, she sat up, noticing that she was still clad in her towels. Standing up and speaking towards the door, she promised the knocker that she would open the door momentarily. Dressing herself in a pair of denim jeans, sliding over her upper body was nothing more than an ordinary shirt, the hue of green. Finally slipping her dainty feet into warm socks she made her way to the door and opened it to find her mother standing there.  
  
"I was wondering if you were hungry or not, I have made some noodles and vegetables. We have tea brewing...."  
  
Her words were silenced when Kagome flung herself into her mothers arms, burying her face into the soft flesh of her, and crying out tears large and ragged. Knowing what was going to happen, her mother had anticipated as such, and wrapped her arms around her daughter, resting her cheek on top of the ebony hair. She hugged her tightly, rocking her where she stood in a most comforting way.  
  
"Love is painful. But I'm sure you already know that Kagome."  
  
Her mother wished she could spare her daughter of this pain, to take away the love that had caused those tears that she cried, to heal her heart and make it immune to love, but she at the same time did not wish to take away a gift such as love. No matter how painful love was, no matter whether it was returned or not, love in itself was a gift given to very few. True love at least. Kagome had experienced true love, young she might be, but true love did not wait for age. True love did not wait for anything..... not even _time.  
_  
But that was all that her mother said, letting Kagome cry out all the tears she wished on her shoulder, till her daughter sagged under her own weight. She was weak, from tears, and from not eating. She had been home for almost two days, and yet she still hadn't taken anything into her stomach for nourishment. Supporting her daughters weight, and helping her back to her bed.  
  
"Do not worry about Gramps and Sota, I'll tell them you still need your rest. I'll be back with some food and drink, I want you to try to eat as much as you can Kagome, you do not need to sicken yourself."  
  
Brushing her daughters bangs to the side and planting a motherly kiss on her forehead, before she disappeared into the hallway, closing the door behind her. Kagome was left with her own thoughts. Love was painful, she could not argue with that point made by her mother, but was it really worth it all? After all her tears and all her love that she had been willing to give to Inuyasha, none of it had been returned, there was no clawed hanyou hand to wipe away her tears. She had been the only one to benefit, or to be cursed by the love?  
  
If only she knew the pain and tears that Inuyasha was experiencing now. But maybe it was too late. Too late for him to return the love, to late for her to accept the love. _Could love be late?_

----------  
  
Inuyasha had waited till the others were deeply asleep, waiting an extra hour when he heard their soft breathing. Imitating Kagome, he would leave them, no longer did he have a place by their side, his place in the world.... he didn't know. _Find Kagome!!_ No, he couldn't the well was destroyed, and the jewel was with Kaede, if Kagome hadn't destroyed the well, and if she had wanted to come back, she would be able to. It was that simple, so how did he suppose he could find her? _Your half demon, you have the strength and determination to search for another way.  
_  
He did not run through the forest, he did not jump through the trees, instead he made slow steps through the dark trees. What was the rush? His life no longer had a purpose, he no longer had a place to be, no one to protect, no one to protect him. His head hung down, and he had the largest urge to caress the fabric of Kagome's forgotten shirt, which was folded with her letter and placed right under his outer shirt, tucked under his belt. He would have let his urge run free, that is until another scent, this time stronger, and the actual person than a shirt drifted across his face. Turning golden eyes to the side, he met the gaze of the dead miko. Kikyo was leaning against a tree, her bow was setting restlessly against the tree as well, though her quiver remained perched upon her shoulder. Her face was like marble, emotionless and cold.  
  
"Lose something Inuyasha? Has the girl finally realized the truth and left you to return where she belongs. She should have known. I own the past, as I own you, she can have the future if she wishes."  
  
Finally, her lips pulled back into a smirk, a very small smirk. Though it was enough to anger Inuyasha, along with her words.  
  
"You own nothing Kikyo."  
  
His voice didn't seem violent or full of venom. It was just simple stated. He was angered, but he even have enough energy to show that much? He turned his eyes away from her. She was dead, she was not the Kikyo he knew while she lived, she was not Kagome, and Kagome was not her. Did he still love the dead miko? He let his gaze drag back to her form, and she had never moved. Did he love her? Quickly taking in everything about the Miko, he thought silently to himself. _'I did love her. I loved her as much as I could. But was it because she held the Shikon no Tama? Did she love me because if I turned into a human she could pretend she was a normal woman loving a normal man?'  
_  
"I beg to differ Inuyasha, I had your love while I lived, and you seemed content to join me for life. Naraku destroyed our lives, and now you have destroyed Naraku. Why can we not just pick up where we left off? Forget about Kagome, she is nothing more than a shell for my reincarnated soul. Fulfill your promise and come to hell with me Inuyasha, we could finally be together...forever."  
  
Inuyasha turned away from Kikyo, his hand snaking into the folds of his clothing, so that his fingers could grasp around Kagome's shirt and letter. No, he did not want Kikyo. He had loved her in life, he had been dreaming when she was reasurrected that she was still the same. But his love for her had gone, he had moved on. He loved Kagome, and only if he had realized that when he had the chance.  
  
_'Kagome. I love you, please return.'_

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**_"Who am I to you?  
  
along the way  
  
I lost my faith."_**

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Sorry for the shortness of both chapters. I hope that they lengthen the longer that I write this fanfic. Thank you for all that read, and review of course. .


	3. Apology and an Authors Note

Authors Note:

I'm sorry to disappoint all those that read, but during these past few days I have become completely infatuated with the odd pairing of Sesshomaru and Kagome. holds up hands I know I know! Trust me, I was not planning on abandoning the hanyou, but one has to admit that the icy presence of the Eastern Lord is appealing.

Unfortunately, I will have to stop my writing of this fanfic, and turn to more appealing creations.

Gomen.

Masters Creation


End file.
